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The Chic Republic

August 21st, 2006

I want EVERYBODY WHO READS THIS to respond... please!! @ 08:31 am

I want to become involved in a creative project! Of the following eleven "bare bones" plotlines, please select the three that you find most appealing/interesting. I will develop a story around the most popular scenario.

1. A man devises a way to become an instant "celebutante"- by amputating all of his fingers with gardening shears on a reality TV network. His efforts are met with astonishing success: He is invited to decapitate himself on a prime time CNN special on "the new disposable chic", and he struggles with the pros and cons of following through with the deadly charade.

2. A twenty-something college student wins a free vacation to Transnistria (a breakaway province of Moldova that has declared its independence, although its sovereignty is currently unrecognized), and he comes up with a solution to the region's financial woes: Turn it into a storage space/compost heap for the rapidly accumulating trash that plagues post-"Iron Curtain" Eastern Europe. His proposal receives lavish praise from the Transnistrian state department, and the Economist writes a feature article on the advent of his new brand of "Trash-Diplomacy".

3. A boy who has been struggling with depression wakes up one morning to discover that an alien embryo is growing inside his left arm. He ponders on whether or not to "abort" it with a surgical procedure.

4. A girl from a working class family inherits an obscene sum of money from a long lost relative. She uses all of the money to hire a top-notch film crew to produce a high-budget 24-hour documentary on her relatively unremarkable life.

5. An Arab-American drag queen recalls "her" hajj (pilgrimage) to Mecca: She receives a tourist Visa from the Saudi Arabian government based on a forged claim- that she is a woman- and she makes the pilgrimage in the traditional hijab/burqa. She is kidnapped during her hajj by an entrepreneurial Muslim who mistakes her for an oil heiress. Her kidnapper is repulsed when he learns that "she" is not what he had presumed her to be, but she develops "The Stockholm Syndrome" and refuses to leave him. He finally turns her into the religious police, who suggest that she should be flogged and executed- until her charms become explicitly apparent to them.

6. A fashion model becomes so obsessed with her skin-care routine that she can no longer leave her apartment. The story is presented through her increasingly obsessive and desperate diary entries.

7. World War III erupts after India and Pakistan exchange mutually devastating nuclear attacks. A barren "nuclear winter" follows, and the last surviving human is a 28 year-old girl with moderate retardation. She relates her observations of the apocalypse with cautious bemusement through her simple-- yet increasingly lucid-- interpretation of history.

8. A one-hit wonder who became famous for singing a promotional song for a popular cereal brand- with lyrics consisting only of the cereal's ingredients- becomes depressed after her ephemeral star power fades. She secures a durable cult following for herself when she releases her follow-up single: the ingredients of her cornucopia of anti-depressants.

9. George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice hatch a conspiratorial plot to seize the fabled "holy grail" with the aid of Mossad (The Israeli CIA). Through its powers, they hope to resurrect the true Messiah- Andy Warhol. Their plot succeeds, and Warhol rises from the dead. He forces everyone on earth to watch film reels of their entire lives on loop- for eternity.

10. A beautiful Zimbabwean girl flies from Harare to London in order to escape the totalitarian regime of President Mugabe. She is hired as a pedicurist at a posh salon that caters to the upper echelons of British society. She pretends to have a limited grasp of English in order to avoid conversing with her clients, and develops a voyeuristic interest in their scandals and intrigues. She brings a tape recorder into work one day and captures several hours worth of very haute gossip. She transcribes the tape's contents, quits her job, and compiles a best-selling "tattle tale" tabloid bible on the decadent tendencies of London's most elite individuals.

11. In solitary confinement and awaiting her execution, Marie Antoinette discovers the joys of masturbation.

July 29th, 2006

(no subject) @ 01:44 pm

I'm a mover and a shaker-- and I'm moving out! (of The Looking Glass)
Graduating from UF on August 12th...
Staying in a crack house for a few weeks...
Moving to Washington D.C. on August 20th or so!
"Very exciting." Riiiight?

April 2nd, 2006

(no subject) @ 05:05 am

They shoot horses, don't they?

December 13th, 2005

(no subject) @ 04:05 pm

I guess that was the general idea though, anyway.

(no subject) @ 03:51 pm

Now I'm very upset- thanks a lot!

December 5th, 2005

(no subject) @ 08:33 pm

It's a conspiracy!!

November 20th, 2005

(no subject) @ 09:17 pm

My personal world map

visited 23 countries-
like to visit 46 countries

Create your own world map

September 2nd, 2005

(no subject) @ 03:14 pm

Bienvenidos a Miami!

August 3rd, 2005

Blasphemy! @ 12:30 pm

I want to gallop on a camel's back through the eye of a needle, dressed to the gills in lavish haute couture. I want to erect a soaring tower that will pierce the heavens so I can see eye-to-eye with God and casually motion for an indulgence. I want to fan myself insouciantly with Veronica's veil while I nurse the sanctifying blood of the Christ Child. I want to blend the forbidden fruit of knowledge into a tasty peach smoothie. I'm the laziest heretic I've ever had the pleasure to meet.

July 25th, 2005

(no subject) @ 01:31 pm

I feel like I'm trapped in Albertslund!

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